


Large-Souled Obedience

by jesterlady



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Episode Related, F/M, One Shot, Romance, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-03
Updated: 2011-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow does confess to Buffy her Xander secret in Buffy S3 Revelations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Large-Souled Obedience

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. Some lines are from the show. The title is from Eugene Peterson.

“What makes you think all this secret stuff is sexy, anyway?”

Willow gulped. Her first impulse was to hide her secret, even knowing she was no good at hiding secrets.

“Nothing. I'm just wondering. Gotta keep asking the big old questions when you're blessed with this girl's thirst for knowledge and...okay. There's something I have to tell you.”

“What?” Buffy sounded intrigued. Willow knew she had been acting extra babbly lately. And the fact that she hadn’t been angry about Buffy's own secret definitely spelled out mystery to be solved.

“Okay.” Willow started to pace. “This will make me feel better, right? You know, I always consider myself a good person. Floss, do my homework, never cheat. But lately, and please don't judge me on this, but I want you to be the first to know that, that...there's a demon behind you.”

Buffy rolled off the bench and fought the demon while Willow wrung her hands. Partly from anxiety, partly from guilt, partly from stress. But she cheered when Buffy lopped off the head of Lagos.

“Sorry about that. So, what were you saying?” Willow bit her nails. The moment seemed to have gone, yet…she knew it was right.

“Uh, let’s sit down. Maybe it’s better sitting down.”

Buffy sat and waited patiently. Sometimes it did take Willow a while to come to the point.

“I’m here. Take your time.”

“So, I date Oz. I date Oz a lot. And I like it. He makes me happy. I…” Willow got a small smile on her face. “I’ve never been so happy. He thinks of me.”

“I’m sensing a but here.”

“But you know Xander is important to me. Always has been important to me. And I waited for him. And then I moved on. But then there was a fluke and we…fluked. There was kissing and footsie playing and more kissing.” She looked down at her hands. “I don’t want to be bad. I don’t even want him really. I love Oz…I just have unresolved…hormones…something. Am I evil?”

Buffy’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. Her face showed a mixture of surprise, satisfaction, hurt and sympathy.

“No, not evil. Just confused and wrong and confused.” Willow looked up and was relieved to see Buffy smiling at her.

“I don’t know what to do. I tried to stop. We tried. I just…it’s what I wanted for so long.”

“But it doesn’t make it right,” Buffy said gently. “I might not be the right one to be offering morals on love right now, but I wasn’t cheating on my boyfriend by kissing Angel.”

“No, that’s true.” Willow’s eyes started to fill. “Buffy, help me.” Buffy took Willow’s hands.

“Of course. I just need a minute of satisfaction that Xander’s high horse is going to be toppled.” Willow rolled her eyes and Buffy quickly re-focused her attention on the others of the situation. “Oz is the most faithful, adoring boyfriend in the world and even Cordelia does not deserve to be cheated on. I know this is going to be hard. But, Will, you have to tell Oz. And you can’t do it ever again. Not if you want to stay with Oz.”

“I do, I really do.”

“Then tell him. Apologize, grovel, promise fidelity and pray.” Willow took a deep breath.

“I know. I need to. I will.”

“I’m going to come with you and talk to Xander. Right after we give this demon to Giles.”

“Okay. Big evil needs to get fixed and then I can attempt fix-age of my own screw ups.”

Buffy hugged her and Willow clung to her gratefully.

 

***

Willow had thought confessing to Buffy had been hard. It was nothing to what she was going to have to do now that Oz’s turn had come.

She knocked on his door, trying not to cry. There would probably be plenty of time for that.

***

“Hey,” he said as he opened the door. “Come on in.” He felt his face light up as it always did when he saw her. Maybe no one else could tell, but he knew.

“Thanks, uh, how are you?”

He could tell something was up.

“Are you okay? I’m fine if you are.”

“No, no, not okay. You won’t be either.” She sat down on the couch and then stood up again and walked around the room. Oz felt a slight foreboding and leaned against the couch, waiting.

“Just tell me. I’ll help, whatever it is.”

“It’s bad. It’s me and it’s Xander and it’s us and I kissed him. And I didn’t mean to and I didn’t want to…and it happened and I thought it was just one time. I thought it was some sort of residual, left over feeling and it would be gone. But it happened again.” She turned away, as if not able to bear the solid look of dismay that had come over his face. “Now it is gone, I can’t bear to think about it again. But I didn’t want to hurt you and I have, but I know that I couldn’t hide it. I had to give you the chance to know. I told Buffy and we talked to Xander and he’s going to tell Cordelia. We know what we did was wrong. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I really only want you, but you probably don’t believe me. Oz?”

Willow turned to face him. He’d backed against the wall and stared at her.

“That’s…disturbing news.” He looked away from Willow and the tears spilling over her cheeks. “I can’t talk about it right now.”

“You want me to go?”

“Well, it’s my house. Makes sense to me.” Willow made her way to the door.

“Of course. I’m going. I’m sorry. You know where I am.”

“I’ll catch up later,” he promised, barely knowing what he was saying. Willow nodded and slipped out the door.

Oz closed the door behind her and leaned his forehead against it. His world has been insane for the past year. He’d been through hell and returned a werewolf. The one constant had been Willow. Now…that had been stripped from him.

***

Buffy and Willow walked along the sidewalk by the cemetery.

“So Cordelia's gonna be okay?”

“She lost a lot of blood. None of her vitals were punctured.”

“Has she talked to Xander yet?”

“She wasn't allowed to have visitors at first. He went to see her today, but it was a no go. She doesn’t want anything to do with him.”

“And Oz?” Buffy asked the question delicately. It had been several weeks since Willow and Xander had made their confessions. Hellmouth problems had come and gone. The most recent being Spike and his own love problems which had ended with Cordelia getting a rebar through her chest.

“I never knew there was anything inside me that could feel this bad. For the longest time, I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted

everything. And now...I just...I just want him to talk to me again.”

“Just give it some time. And be prepared for some groveling.”

“Oh, I'm ready. I'm all over groveling.”

“Good. Because, you know, I hear sometimes it works.”

 

***

Willow was sitting with Buffy and Xander on the couches in the lounge. Their normally jovial spirits were not quite up to par as their love lives had been suffering their usual fate as of late.

“Bronze tonight?” Buffy offered half heartedly. Her only consolation in this was that her failed love wasn’t due to her failed morals. But she felt for her friends, even if she and Xander had crossed swords over his actions. The three of them were at their usual camaraderie for which they were all grateful.

“I would. But the energy is failing me,” Xander said as he threw his apple in the air mindlessly.

“I’m also energy drained,” Willow volunteered.

“We’ve got to stop this,” Buffy said, determined. “Sure Cordelia and-“

“Oz,” Willow exclaimed, sitting up straight.

“Hey.” Oz glanced over at Xander who started to fidget uncomfortably. Oz returned his gaze to Willow. “Can we talk?”

***

Willow nodded and they went to an empty classroom. She leaned against the teacher’s desk and he sat opposite her. She waited for him to say something, anything.

“Okay,” he said. “The thing is...knowing you were with Xander, it was...well, I never felt that way before...when it wasn't a full moon. The main thing is you came to me. It gives me hope, though I know you guys have a history.” She nodded emphatically.

“But it's a history that's in the past. Well, I-I guess most history is in the past. But it's over.”

“Well, I don't know. I don't know that it...ever will be between you two.”

“Oz, please believe me,” Willow implored. “I can’t describe it to you. All I know is that the thought of Xander and me, it’s not even a thought. But the thought of me and not you…it’s unbearable.”

“Well, I always trust your judgment,” he said, trying to smile. It would take awhile before he could believe that. “But this is what I do know: I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So, I think I'd be willing to...give it a shot.”

She stood up and smiled tentatively.

“Really?”

He also stood up.

“Yeah.”

Her smile grew bigger.

“Do you want us to, to hug now?” She looked at him hopefully.

“Yeah, I'm good for that.”

It was a slow hug, both of them beginning to re-trust the feelings that were between them. He put his hand behind her head, relishing the feel of her in his arms again.

Willow could hardly believe her good fortune. All she could do was be grateful she’d fessed up and faced her mistakes. Or she might not be here in Oz’s arms.

 

***

“So, confession is good for the soul.”

“I heard that somewhere.”

“I believe it whole heartedly. It’s how I deal with all my problems. It’s how I’m happy. It’s how you forgave me.”

“Well, the cuteness bore a factor.” Willow beamed happily and pulled Oz closer for a quick kiss.

“So confess then. Where were you?”

“I met a guy.”

“Guy? What guy?”

“Magic guy. Knows a lot about werewolves.”

“Oh, that’s nice. What did he tell you?”

“Apparently there’s no cure. But I got some tips.”

“I’m glad for you. I feel bad about not being able to help more with the wolfy stuff.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You do. You’re all that does.”

Willow grinned and led him into their house.


End file.
